What Kind of Evil Are You?

LIFESTYLE

Zoe Samuel

6 Min Quiz

Image: Kryssia Campos / Moment / Getty Images

About This Quiz

If you're taking this quiz, you're probably evil and proud of it. If you're not, don't worry — we have carefully calibrated it to ensure that there will be no false positives. Not all types of evil suit all personalities, and if you're dedicating your life to evil, you should make sure you don't waste your talent on doing the wrong kind. It would be a shame to squander your evildoing potential!

For example, if you are a corporate lawyer at an evil corporation, it's important not to bully your coworkers. Sure, bullying is evil, and we appreciate the effort. But think how much more evil you could accomplish if you were to collaborate with and inspire your coworkers instead. You could make Jane from accounting cry. But picture a highly-motivated Jane, offshoring profits so the workers don't get a fair cut, or shredding invoices that prove your clients leaked carcinogens into the groundwater of a small Midwestern town.

Similarly, if you are short on money, connections, or dark superpowers, you should probably focus your evil on the people you meet day-to-day. You're never going to have your hollowed-out volcano, so it's time to be realistic and focus on what you can control. You can't make California fall into the sea like Lex Luthor. Maybe you CAN make Jenny in your yoga class feel insecure about her looks until she stops coming, thus robbing her of a hobby she loves and reducing the total of joy in the world. To borrow a phrase from showbiz, there is no small evil, only small villains.

Fortunately, we've constructed this quiz to help you identify where your evil self can shine. Let's get started!

You find a wallet on the street with an ID, address and $1,000. What do you do?

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Have you ever intentionally made someone cry?

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Where is your ideal place to live?

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What sort of minions would you like to have?

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Robin Hood: champion or chump?

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How do you feel about the law?

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Do you tend to plan your evil far in advance?

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Your friend has gotten a promotion! How do you ruin it for her?

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How do you conceal your evil nature?

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Is there anyone you would never target with your evil?

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Have you ever received blowback for your evil?

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What is the primary upside of being evil?

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How would you characterize your maniacal laugh?

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What do you like to wear in order to do evil?

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A sweet little girl comes to your door selling cookies for the Girl Scouts. What happens next?

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What percentage of the people you encounter are aware that you are evil?

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What power do you possess that helps you get your evil on?

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How do you feel after a hard day of doing evil?

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What life event made you aspire to be evil?

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Which fictional or supernatural evil figure do you particularly admire?

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Do you have a partner in crime?

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Someone is mad at you for being evil, and you are a little afraid. Who could possibly inspire this reaction?

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Who is most likely to be able to put a stop to your evil?

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What sort of evil pet do you keep as a companion?

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What could make you consider not being evil any more?

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All evil requires is for good people to fail to act. What ensures that people will fail to act around you?

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When you meet someone else who is evil, how do you feel about that?

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Many evil people believe they are the good guy. How do you rationalize your evil?

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A journalist has discovered your evil doings! How do you destroy their credibility before they publish?

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Who is your real life evil role model?

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